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Mid Life Relationship

Georgina, is the founder of A fat lot of good. She lives with her three children. Each week, she writes about the sense—and nonsense—of life.

Many experts approach relationship challenges from the “deficiency model.” In this model, they identify what isn’t working, and work to fix those problems.

On this statement I feel perplexed at the entire pressure around relationships and that perhaps we should look to the eye of the storm before its causal breakdown. A relationship is one where both people feel and have respect for themselves and with this have a deep bond between each other. In doing this it radiates and a natural stronger bond will flow.

For me this starts with honouring my own body, creating a solid foundation and relationship with myself, from inside to out. Trusting and understanding my worth, my boundaries, my self value; a heart centred self love. This approach is about creating a solid foundation ‘for’ the relationship in me. One where both people feel a personal strength allowing a deep bond between each other. In doing this, there is a stronger level of goodwill that flows.

Mid life woman
you are not
invisible to me.
I seem to see
beneath your face
all the women
you have ever been.

Midlife woman
I have grown with you
in another parallel,
breathing with you
as you breathed,
seeing with you
as you see,
lining my face
with an earned care
as you lined yours,
waiting for you,
as it seems
you waited for me.
I see your
inner complexion
breathing beneath
your outward gaze,
I see all your lives
and all your loves,
it must be for you
that I wanted to become
more generous,
a better man
than ever I could be
when young,
let me join all your
present giving
and all your receiving.
Through you I learn
the full imagination
of every previous affection.

Mid life woman
you are not
invisible to me,
in you
I see a young girl,
lifting her face to the sky,
I see the young woman
in haloed light,
full and strong,
standing before
the altar of time,
waiting for her chosen.
I see the mother in you,
in your past
or in some yet
to be understood
I see you
adoring and
I see you adored,
and now,
when I call your name
I want to see
day by day,
the woman
you will become
with me.

Mid-life woman
come to me now,
I see you more clearly
than all
the airbrushed
girls of the world.
I became a warrior
only to earn
your present
mature affection,
Now I bear my scars to you,
my eyes are lined
to smile with you
and I come to you
and unshaven
walking rough
and wild through rain
and wind and I pace
the mountain
all night
in my happy,
at finding you.

Mid life woman,
In the dark of the night
I take you in my arms
and in that embracing
invisibility feel all of your
inner lives made touchable
and visible again.

Mid-life woman
I have earned
my ability to adore you.
Mid life woman
you are not invisible to me.
Come to me now
and let me kiss passionately
all the beautiful women
who have
ever lived in you.
My promise
is to you now
and all your future lives.
Twenty Poems of Requited and Unrequited Love’
© David Whyte and Many Rivers Press

In the last week I have trailed many sites and challenges in a quest to add growth and meaning to my personal knowledge. Finding beautiful mantras, challenges, statements and facts. Yet collectively what they all cry and reveal is ‘honour’ to the self will surely add joy, beauty and peace.

A great little book ‘don’t sweat the small stuff’ asks us to surrender to the fact that life isn’t fair, listening to our feelings and the tricking of allowing ourself to be fooled by the low deceptive ones. Our lives are on the run; when in a good mood our love becomes great where drastic contrasts in good to bad affect our experience. Your state of mind does pass but our actions don’t. The book talks of giving grace to our low moods and gratitude for our good, again a self centred emotional mature approach.

Where can you find comfort? We all need comfort as when life gets older the trials get bigger and the comfort hard to find. Jobs, marriage, health, death and the pain of broken trust. The key role in this comfort is you, treating yourself kindly with endurance. The  comfort within self care in amongst calamity. Making sweet your sleep, seeking riches in self adventure, self awareness and finding the good things in trust and gratitudes for you in life.

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georginalandGeorgina Land is a mother of three and certified fitness coach and tutor. Her greatest passions are helping women end conflict and disconnection with their bodies and the spaces they inhabit. With her unique process and a customised approach, she helps women discover the forgotten pockets of their own spirit. She creates beautiful group experiences and is also available for private one-on-one sessions. Georgina is a passionate lecturer and teacher in the fitness qualification industry and can also be found co-leading womens groups in gorgeous places around the coast of sussex.

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